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[quote=Anonymous][quote]OP have you spent much time around him while with your friends and family? What do they think?

Not that much. He made a good initial impression but overall hasn’t really bonded with them, except my parents; finds my friends judgmental and elitist/exclusionary, and feels I give them and values associated with some of them too much priority and weight vs the world he and I are building. He often feels I prioritize others too much over us and future us, and that I cling to values that don’t serve us as a couple while refusing to embrace ones that would.[/quote]

can you give an example of this? I am getting somewhat controlling vibes both from your boyfriend and your therapist and that deep down, inside, you disagree with these men but dont have the confidence to break it off or stand up for yourself and your feelings beliefs and desires.

what is "the world that he and I are building"--how does that exclude your friends? can you give an example of this conflict? Are they materialistic and shallow and your bf wants more down to earth family oriented? or is it something more about you--do you feel that he is trying to change who you are and the person you have been, your friends, your interests?

finally, the bottom line here is this.... it doesn't matter whether the issue is with you or the boyfriend. Maybe it is you, maybe you're too picky or whatever...but....If you are having these doubts they will not magically go away if you get married. I dont think you shoudldget married. I think you need a new therapist and maybe couples counseling with the boyfriend.

I also get the pressure you're under. I couldnt imagine life without kids and in my late 30s with a series of failed relationships felt like I had to cling to the life raft of a bad relationship. But here's what I feel now, on the other side of 50. THere's a period where you feel like your life will be empty and berefit without marriage/kids. But once you get past your early 40s, and that kind of falls away, a whole new world opens. One with lots of possibility. I have a few friends---four--who got married in mid 40s. Three dont have kids and they are the happiest. the fourth did IVF etcand is happy to be a mom but not happy in marriage. I did end up marrying at 38, having kids, becuase I felt the pressure you feel. And I fortunately chose a good guy. But I can honestly say that if I made it to the other side of 42 or so without kids, I probably would have gone child free and I realize that I would likely be happier now. I just didn't even really think that was a possibility in my 30s, it felt like a race to procreate. [/quote]

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