Reply to What would you do if you found out your spouse of 25 years had a big secret

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here:  Thank you again, to those of you offering support and constructive thoughts.  I will say it one last time:  No, I did not smell alcohol in the covered Starbucks container or water bottle, no my spouse did not reek of alcohol, and while it seemed a bit odd to me, the empty bottles that I would find here and there "hidden" in closets did not seem overly concerning to me AT THE TIME.  I assumed my spouse had stuck them there after watching TV, as the closets I found them in were off two rooms with TVs. Of course I look back now and wonder what the heck I was thinking, but I had no idea hiding alcohol was a hallmark of this disease.  I always had a very stereotypical view of an alcoholic as a messy drunk, falling all over, visibly intoxicated etc.  I was grossly uneducated about the disease.  
 [/quote]

OP, I knew DH had a problem when I found “extra” empties in the recycling (he didn’t hide them around the house), and I spoke to him about it a number of times.  But I had absolutely no idea how bad it was, how much he was drinking, how much he’d been hiding and lying for years. I was suspicious, even confrontational, and I was still shocked.. I’m saying that even if you know, you don’t really know.

He’s still very early in recovery, a few months.  The lack of trust is a problem and I don’t know if we will be able to get past it. But he’s getting treatment, we’re in counseling together, and I’m seeing a counselor too. I decided not to walk away when he came clean because I do think this is an illness and he is getting help for it. But at some point i think there’s a choice about whether or not to stay sober. I’m not sure if I’ll stay if he goes back to choosing alcohol. And I don’t know if we’ll get over the breakdown in trust even if he stays sober. I hope so. So we’re working on it. [/quote]

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