Reply to What would you do if you found out your spouse of 25 years had a big secret

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Reply to "What would you do if you found out your spouse of 25 years had a big secret"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry OP. Understand that the deception is the nature of the disease. It is a betrayal of you but that's what the disease does. Not saying it's ok or you need to stay or forgive etc. Al Anon should be helpful as you get your bearings

As for ppl attacking op for being in denial,  you would like to think you'd know, that you could never be fooled. But addiction is often progressive and makes people masters of deception

I recently learned a friend is a heroin addict. Has struggled 25 years now. Has two kids, a PhD, a seemingly good marriage, a high profile job. Things spiraled during covid (and generally addictions get worse not better) and she almost died. But until recently her spouse of more than a decade didn't know. He suspected something, but never that. Her (non addict) friends didn't know.  She described to me the measures age went through to keep things secret, to "manage" her addiction. She noted ruefully that is she had directed the amount of time and mental effort she our in hiding and navigating her addiction to her writing or academic work she could have written a series of books by now. [/quote]

OP here:  thank you for this helpful post.  I really appreciate it.  I suspected something too, just never thought it was addiction.  [/quote]

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