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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] :?: [

OP, I never learned to ski as a child. I took gymnastics at the local YMCA, and we traveled only rarely. As an adult, I have enjoyed traveling all over the world and do not feel like I had a deprived childhood because the first time I went to France was when I was 20. It would seem that your financial decisions have created an environment in which your experiences of a normal childhood are not going to apply, and I think it's important that you recognize that your child is not going to suffer because they cannot have private tennis lessons or go skiing every winter. Putting things like that in the same category as occasionally going out to dinner is crazy to me.

You can budget for movies occasionally - like, one summer blockbuster and one Christmas thing. You can go out to dinner occasionally. Even if you have a ton of debt, it is possible to create a budget for fun money (like one of the PPs suggested) that allows you to have these things as treats occasionally. It stops being an occasional treat when it happens once a week or even once a month.[/quote]

This PP is absolutely correct, one of the most valuable life lesson you can teach your kids is how to manage their finances and live within their means. Skiing lessons, er, not so much. [/quote]

Yes, it's important to learn budgeting and money management, but when everyone you know skis, plays tennis, goes on trips for spring break, you want your children to fit in. Skiing and other activities may not be important to you but to some people they are important. I've accepted the fact that we won't be going skiing or traveling for a long time, if ever, but [b]that doesn't mean that living an upper middle class life with all the trimmings can't be important to some[/b].[/quote]

Great, if they can really afford it, without going into debt to do so. If not, then these people are not really "upper middle class" and shouldn't be mortgaging their souls to pretend that they are.[/quote]

This PP nailed it. OP, you are not upper middle class if you have 19k in credit cards and 25k in personal loans are are struggling to pay bills. Your children will not be deeply damaged by growing up knowing that they are actually middle class and not upper middle class. They will not be on some therapist's couch in 20 years crying because they didn't go on regular ski vacations.

Accept your financial reality and fix it before it gets worse. It will always get worse if you don't attack the debt aggressively. [/quote]

I agree with these PPs. OP what you are teaching your children is that it's important to try and keep up with the neighbors/peers even if you can't afford it and are drowning in debt. That's such a bad life lesson. You are not upper middle class so stop trying to keep up the facade. I am also wondering whether your kids actually really want to go skiing etc or as I suspect you are pushing them into these things to maintain your false image. If you teach your children to live within their means then probably they will not end up in the financial mess that you are dealing with now.[/quote]

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