Reply to Youngish Spouse- Chronic Illness

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well I hope I am not replying to my DW.
As others have said the proper medication does wonders. I was never bed ridden but in constant pain. Tons of blood work, but now I am on medication that has changed my life. I am not where I was before, I think my days of racing triathlons are over, but I can still do most activities besides running. 
If your spouse was active before, think about how this is effecting them mentally too. It's not just you suffering[/quote]

New poster. PP, I'm so glad treatment is working for you!

I came to post to OP that since OP mentions the spouse was only "recently diagnosed," the journey with actual, focused treatment of RA hasn't even truly begun yet, but the OP is ready to give up. OP, you're reacting to what has been your past, and it's definitely been difficult, but can you take a step back from the emotions and see that once your spouse has an actual diagnosis, actual treatment can begin? Not just endless testing and pain? Yes, the treatment will be lengthy; it will be lifelong for your spouse and therefore, for you; it may take more than one try to find the right medication or other protocols that help your spouse, so things won't magically be just fine as soon as your spouse has a first prescription in hand. But you are surrendering now based on the difficulty of the past years--not based on your spouse having RA specifically. Your spouse, like the PP above, might find great relief and some return to a normal life now that there's an accurate diagnosis. But you will not be part of any of that regained happiness if you dump your spouse now.

OP, I strongly, strongly suggest you contact the Arthritis Foundation (www.arthritis.org) and ask about support resources for spouses of RA patients. Pursue it. If you live in NOVA, try the INOVA health care system for free support groups--they might have one for spouses of chronically ill patients (RA or not). You can't see it now but you are not alone--your anger and resentment are felt by many spouses of people with chronic diseases and you could really benefit by hearing their stories and sharing with them. There is surely an online support group for spouses in your position. You'll find you are not the first to want to divorce, but you will also find people who chose to stay and can talk to them about why they stayed.

Meanwhile:
https://www.everydayhealth.com/arthritis/rheumatoid-arthritis/married-living-with-rheumatoid-arthritis/
The article above is a bit simplistic and it is aimed at readers who themselves are the RA patients, but the advice--communicate, communicate, communicate, and get outside help--apply to the caregiver, too.

I get that you're angry but also, I think you're not looking ahead at the fact your spouse could be doing much better as the PP above is. I'd sit down, remember why I married spouse in the first place, and commit to getting assertive with the doctors about treatment to give spouse a better quality of life so you all can have a better quality of life. And please -- take time to find a support group online or in real life. There are people out there who have stood exactly where you're standing now and they are better equipped than anyone else to talk to you about this. [/quote]

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