Reply to Actively Bisexual Men Married to Women--Does she know?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Bisexual woman here in a currently monogamous marriage that was open previously, largely because I married young and wanted to explore my bisexuality.

I think the stigma for bisexual men is just about the worst there is.  There are lots of supposedly progressive, LGBT- friendly women who have no problem expressing their revulsion at the idea that their man might be bisexual.   It's actually easier to be a gay man or woman or a bisexual woman in today's culture than it is to be a bi man.  So I have a bit of sympathy for the down-low bi man.

That being said, this is your DH's issue to work through.  He sounds like he has his own identity issue that no one but he can tackle.  Your issue to decide is whether you want open and honest communication with a husband who respects you.

Being so resistant to a conversation that he threatens divorce is not being a good partner.
Cheating on you is not being a good partner.

You deserve a good partner.  [b]Your DH might be a good man dealt a difficult hand going through some shit, but he's not being a loving and honest partner to you[/b][u].[/quote]

New poster. OP, I hope you will listen to the post above. The bold is mine.

Then take your own last paragraph of the original post and read it to your husband. Tweak if you must, but your own last paragraph does lay out your thoughts well, OP. You are going to need to sit down with him with no distractions, at a time when he cannot say he has to leave in five minutes to do X or Y, and be clear that this is a conversation that is vital to your marriage.

I rarely think ultimatums are a good idea, but if -- after you approach him and ask him point-blank the questions you must ask to get on with YOUR life, whether married to him or not -- if he then still won't answer, I would tell him  that doing immediate couples therapy is a deal-breaker IF you want to salvage the marriage. I would have to assume that if he is not willing to answer you with real informaiton, he is indeed hiding something, whether that something is just thwarted sexuality he won't admit, or sexuality he is actively engaging in, outside the marriage. If he says you are totally and utterly wrong and he's straight, you still need him to respond to the signs you have seen and interpreted as pointing toward bisexuality. You deserve clear and detailed answers. He may be in a lot of mental turmoil and emotional pain and that is terrible, but as the PP above says, he is not being a loving and honest partner.

And as someone else already posted: Tomorrow, not a day later, go and get tested for all the STDs in the book. Did you do so after he had the earlier affair? [/quote]

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