Reply to 1 kid vs. 2 kids - how did you decide?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry, didn't read all responses, but wanted to say...

[b]Very few people regret having their second (or third, or whatever).

That doesn't mean that they are actually better off with the additional child, because there's no way to prove a negative. And of course, all the cognitive biases at play (confirmation bias, avoidance of cognitive dissonance, etc.), and the fact that 90%+ of people deeply love all of their children. [/b]

We took a very long time to decide to have a kid, but when we did, had two kids vaguely in mind. Our kid was not extraordinarily hard as a baby or a toddler, or as she got older. There were and are challenges, and she's certainly not remotely "easy" either. But as she got closer to a year old, I started to become more and more certain I just wanted one. As she hit 2, then 3... even as things got much easier at 4 and 5, I just felt like, you know what? I know my personal limit. DH, who loves kids and could have a million of them, was on board because he wants me to be happy, and the one who wants fewer kids always wins. But it wasn't a hard line and there was no tension or anything... he was pretty sold on the fact that I was done, and we're pretty in sync. Just saying that he probably would have had more with another person.

It actually helped that we were older-- not very old, but by the time our kid was 5, we were 40 and 48. Just didn't feel up to it. But really, by then, we had years of being pretty certain we weren't having another.

There are things about having two kids that I think are really cool, so there's always going to be a bit of "what-iffing," but it's really so very little. Among other things, I have enough sensory and organizational challenges and such a non-traditional career path... it was just going to be a huge challenge. I'm certain I would have loved the kid, "made it work," etc., and had we had another within 1-3 years, we'd be in an okayish place now-- past the tantrum and into the elementary years (our kid is 8, so we'd also have a 5-7-year-old). But still, two different kids to handle? I know it's not necessarily twice the work-- though sometimes it's more than twice!-- but I'm well at my limit even now!   [/quote]

But...this is exactly why you can't prove or disprove that you're better off with an only. [/quote]

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