Reply to How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?

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[quote=Anonymous]It’s not having what you want, its wanting what you’ve got.  OK, cheesy Cheryl Crowe lyric, but seriously... I might be one of those friends you envy (beautiful house, 2 good kids in private school, good job).  But what you dont know:  I didn’t really want kids, I let my husband talk me into it, and imagined we’d have a long life and share the burden.  Instead, he hid his alcoholism from me and them and everyone around us for years, until it finally couldnt be hidden and we had to divorce.  I still have the beautiful house and kids and job, but i’m a single mom 60% of the time and I never wanted to be a mom at all. So yeah, not where i thought I’d be, even though I expect people envy me or did until my marriage visibly fell apart.

So how do I deal?  I definitely try not to compare.  I try to avoid ‘friends’ who make me feel bad even if unintentionally (for me it’s not the rich ones, its the ones with lots of relationship advice and expectations about my dating or whatever, or who only talk about their awesome marriages).  I try very hard to enjoy what is different - I plan every evening my kids arent with me so i do something I enjoy and don’t wallow.  And mostly, I think, I look forward instead of revisiting where I thought I’d be.  I still have choices and I try to feel empowered by them instead of handicapped.  I do wallow sometimes, but honestly what’s the point?[/quote]

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