Reply to In LTR with affair partner; exh struggles

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "In LTR with affair partner; exh struggles"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
[i]My SO is a good partner and dad and all of the things. His parenting was actually the thing that attracted me first. I would not bring him into the kids lives if I didn’t think he was a good person for them to be around. (Not to parent at all, I mean as they get older.) And yes I know that the way we started can consider that null. But I know I am also a great mom and not a bad person. [/i]

I’ll just drop any expectations I have of exh re so. I’ve had to swallow a lot of things he has done that I see as detrimental to the kids but I understand he is under no obligation to be cordial himself to so. [/quote]

[b]PP with the cheating mom here, my parents are like that too.  They are ok at larger social gatherings and extended family as needed.  But they perceive it totally differently.  My mom will be like "Wasn't that *fun*!  It was so fun to see your dad!  I am so glad we all get along.  You're welcome, adult children, for my maturity in spending time with the man I cheated on.  Let's have dinner together!"[/b]. And my dad will tolerate it for the sake of the grandkids and leave as soon as they can, and he and his wife will vent to me about it later-- inappropriate, but they do it to make sure I get the message.  Same event but totally different perceptions.  What seems "pretty good" to you, because that's what you want to believe, might not actually be very good in the eyes of others.  And your ex giving the cold shoulder to mentions of your ex is a big tipoff that all is not well.[/quote]

PP here, that was 100% the vibe I had from the OP.  My impression from the initial post is that there is a lot of justification around why it was okay to cheat with the friend.  Because the ex-spouse is a good co-parent and is dating that makes everything okay - All’s well that ends well. I absolutely hate the “good person” narrative because I think people use it to justify crappy actions.  I’d rather someone say I wasn’t a great parent, I wasn’t a great spouse, I wasn’t a great sibling or friend etc., and I take accountability for those decisions and grew from them than to blow smoke up my a^^ and try to say I’m a great person that sometimes makes mistakes but only when other person isn’t perfect and my mistakes are really for the best and they are way better off that I made them.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics