Reply to Marriage is miserable: why does everyone want to get married?

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Reply to "Marriage is miserable: why does everyone want to get married?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]People want to get marriage because a good marriage is an amazing thing. Personally I think choosing a spouse is the single most important decision a person ever makes. And its not like I'm the only person saying its important, but it is REALLY REALLY important to not pick someone crappy.

And unfortunately a lot of people make the decision in their late 20s and early 30s with the pressure of childbearing at their backs like they're playing a game of musical chairs. Or they make it when they are young and haven't really grown into who they will be yet. And so the decisions aren't as informed/careful as they should be (although some work out, yay!).

I think at the end of the day the ranking of happiness or whatever is like

1) Very happy married people
2) Good but nothing special marriage people, happy but not like, deeply in love
3) Very happy single people who have built a good community
4) Decently happy single people who are somewhat lonely sometimes but who have built a good life
5) Married couples who don't get fulfilment from one another but who have built a good life together. They could take or leave the other person but have good lives they have no interest in blowing up
6) Somewhat dissatisfied single people who regret how they got to where they are but who are still like, fine. They have regrets and wish their life was different but they have friends/support
7) Unhappily married people who actively dislike their spouse and feel lost
8) Unhappy single people who are actively angry all the time that they are alone
9) People in really bad marriages with abuse/neglect

I think when you are single, your happiness is a choice based on how much community you can cultivate. But as you age, particularly when you are elderly, the lack of a partner becomes more of an issue.

But the partner/spouse is a double edged sword. It can bring your life to high highs and it can bring it to low lows. People get married because who doesn't want high highs? They don't think too much about how low a low can be. [/quote]

I'm in #5[/quote]

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