Reply to Thrivers (book), raising kids in a pressure cooker area

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you can do real low-key if you truly do not care about getting your kid into a top college (like it would be cool with you but you'd be absolutely cool with something else too) and are just really confident your kid will be just fine.  I have not yet reached that stage.

I admit that there is a little parental ego in there, but there is also the realization that it does matter.  Good colleges give you a leg up.  It's a competitive world out there and at some point, my kids will have to compete.  They're not going to have trust funds that set them up for life.

I'd like to not play the game, but I have seen others go ahead of me, and I see that it works for these kids whose parents have pushed them a lot with carefully crafted activities and academics.  Parents wouldn't do it if it didn't work.  This is the message that colleges are sending.

So like a lot of parents out there, I have taken the middle road, not dropping out of the game, but giving a lot of thought as to when to push, what routes to take and when to say "no, that's insane, I'm not pushing my kid to do that in second grade."

I wish it could be like I was a kid and we really didn't think about college until HS, and it was still fine.  I got into a top college.  In the end, students today are no smarter, more ready for the world than they were 20 years ago despite all the "accomplishments".  But it's hard to push back against societal forces on your own.  [/quote]

It is true that you can't be low key if you don't care if your kid doesn't go to a T20 school. But why in the name of all that is holy should you care if your kid goes to a T20 school? Of course you should be PROUD of a kid who wants that for themselves and is a driven type who does all the things to go to that kind of school. But there is no reason you should think it is important to a child's happiness and success as an adult that they go to a T20 school. I think I really understood that when I married my DH, who went to his state school, which was totally non-competitive to get in. And look at us - we ended up in the same place, married to each other. He is smart, successful, and happy. That is what I want for my kids, and the route I took (fancy school) isn't the only path. Really, it isn't.[/quote]

Your point is fine but it’s not true even to say that you need to be DCUM crazy to help your kid get into a T20 school.

It may even be counterproductive to be DCUM crazy (from a college perspective, much less the other ones discussed here)[/quote]

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