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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. To 10:34, thank you for suggesting a geriatric care manager. I think this person could hopefully speak to my sister and actually be heard, as opposed to the siblings trying to address it. Sometimes it's easier to take when its an outsider telling them what the reality is than it is hearing from a family member. I will definitely look into that option.

To 10:57, you probably are one of the few people that truly understands what our reality is. I am trying to keep everyone's best interest at heart - my sister that lives with him and my sister that is nearby. They are at odds as to what the best decision is for my father, and I am in the middle. I have repeatedly told them that I will support whatever they decide, but they are the  ones that will live with the day to day reality of the condition my father is in, and what the level of care will be. My father has fallen just as your grandmother - and no one has been able to get him off of the floor, so paramedics have been called just to get him back into a chair. In the past he has broken his pelvis, hip, wrist, collarbone and hand - and that's when he was pretty steady on his feet. As for wanting to come home, I think my father is in the same boat as well. A social worker once told us that with dementia patients tend to say they want to go home not because they miss the place, but that they miss that particular time. It's a way for the brain to protect them and let them think that if they just got home, all of their problems will be solved. Every time one of us talks to him he is in a different place than where he actually is.

So this is the dilemma. Concern for my sisters mental health when he comes home. The cost of providing 24/7 care that could potentially drain anything my father left for us, but in particular how by not having that money will affect my sister's future. Concern for my father's well being if he does come home. The last thing I want is for him to come home and after 2 days its decided that its too much and he is bounced back into another nursing home (and there is a real potential that it won't be the one he is in now, which has been outstanding). Its not easy to ring up a nursing home and find an available bed. I appreciate all of the comments (not the nasty ones, which I suspect are from people who have NEVER dealt with aging parents with dementia) and have concluded that I will continue to help with anything I can from here, whatever is decided.[/quote]

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