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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have already told my kids that we will not have a wedding where there is a limit to the number of guests we (DH and I ) can invite to the wedding and reception.  Since DH and I will be paying for it that should not be a problem. I will also want to have some special events before the wedding that has a great ritual significance to my beliefs. I am ok with keeping those small and for the family only.

My kids are ok with it.

[/quote]

How nice of you to make your kids' wedding all about you.[/quote]

Well, they are my kids biologically, born to married parents, much beloved...so probably we the parents are important part of the equation?

My kids are happy about it. Since they get to plan the wedding - from color, decor, venue to food, favors, entertainment - they don't mind if we get to call the 150-200 people that we want to call.  After all, a lot of the perks they have enjoyed (free college, free car, down payment to condo, free wedding) has happened because we have paid for it. And a big part of our success has also come from the support of our network of  family/friends and relationships that we have invested time and effort into. My kids weddings will be an important milestone in our lives and as parents we have a duty to fulfill our obligation to our children.

Furthermore, they find the big fat weddings of our culture very entertaining and they want the same for their own.  
Big multi-day weddings are a part of our culture. Those will be paid by us along with the wedding and reception. The kids can pay for events they wanted to pay for like showers, rehearsals, bachelor/bachelorette party, honeymoon etc.  That we don't care for and if they marry outside our culture, these probably will happen.

What I have seen is that when friend's children married outside of our culture, their would-be spouses were thrilled to have someone else paying for their weddings and went along with whatever customs and cultural things that were followed.  I don't anticipate anyone objecting to our plans. Certainly not our kids, and least of all the people they will married. Would you?   :wink: [/quote]

Same. It is definitely a culturally thing. It is very American to say that it is the bride's wedding and she alone decides how it plays out. In our view, the wedding is a cultural rite of passage that is celebrate not only by the couple jointly but by the entire family - both sets of parents included. The parents are celebrating having raised their child and that child's emancipation, and child celebrates his/her new family life. All parties are equally important here and I am not a fan of the Hollywood-led image that "it's the bride's special day" at the exclusion of the parents. It's about family, and it's a joyous family celebration at that. Others may not think that a wedding is that big of a deal or prefer to elope, and that's totally fine. But to insist that others cave to the same viewpoint is flawed. Some cultures prefer celebrations with friends, family and community, and we make a big deal of these milestones in life. Because, in my view, if you don't celebrate them, what else do you have in life?

To OP, if you and your family embrace the idea that a wedding is something to be celebrated among family and friends, do it. IF you don't, that's fine, too. Your community will change over the next few decades and those are the people that you will invite to the wedding. If your community is small, that's totally fine. Just because it is not a huge community doesn't make it any less worthy of celebration. You can have a meaningful celebration with those that matter to help you and your family mark the important milestone in all of your lives. [/quote]

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