Reply to How to avoid (ok - get over) house envy?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP you are engaging in what is called an upward comparison in psychology. People who engage in upward comparisons all the time are less satisfied. It's good to do this sometimes, like at work for example, as it can motivate you to achieve a goal. But for optimal psychological health you need to also engage in some downward comparisons.

So my advice? Think about a friend whose house is smaller/not as nice as yours, that you are not jealous of. Think about how they must wish they had what you have. If you can't think of someone as it relates to houses, try to do it for some other area of life. Don't say any of it out loud. It is only for you to tell yourself internally.

My SIL does nothing but upward comparisons. Her friend crowd has a lot of money and she is always talking about how her house is too small/old, she isn't skinny enough, she doesn't have good hair, etc etc. I think it's so sad and I wonder how many of the people she hangs out with are real friends. They all seem obsessed with status and that would be so exhausting. The worst part is how much she talks about all this in front of her kids, especially her daughter. I think it's going to do some real damage to her daughter's self-esteem and that both kids' priorities may end up out of whack. My BIL is more grounded and I get the sense he is trying to steer their family away from some of the people in this social circle because their kids are pretty spoiled from what I've heard.

Another thing I would recommend is to find something to keep yourself busy with. You may already have a lot going on, but chances are there's something else you can do to get your mind off this kind of thing. One issue I think my SIL has is that she has too much time on her hands to think about stupid stuff. She is a SAHM and her kids are older and don't need her so much anymore. She really needs to get involved with something outside of her bubble and gives her more perspective, like some kind of volunteer work. Maybe you can find something like that too. The happiest people I know are the ones who are very focused on others and not much on themselves. They have a great sense of what is truly important in life and are so good at cultivating a sense of gratitude. Whenever I find myself getting jealous of someone over material things I think of my more community-minded friends and try to think of ways to be more like them.[/quote]

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