Reply to At wits' end with potty training 3yr old

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here’s my advice, all the “could have should have” stuff aside, because what you want is a way forward, right?

1. Keep him in pull-ups or diapers for the month of April. If he wants to sit and use the potty during this month, let him. But don’t force him to sit. Each day talk up the importance of using the potty like a big kid. That he has to do it if he wants to go to school with his friends in the fall. That diapers are for little kids and using the potty is for big kids. If you have to go back and pull out the potty training books or watch the potty training episodes of shows like Daniel Tiger, do it.

2. Determine the one week you or your spouse can take off of work in the month of May. This will be the week you pull your child from daycare and your sole job the entire seven days is potty training.

3. Spend the next three weeks putting in the advance work. As in, every single day you do something to prepare yourself for the May training session. Re-read Oh Crap. Contact the author or a pediatric behavioral specialist for a consulting session on toileting a reluctant child. Whether or not your child is neurotypical, research potty training for children with special needs. He may not be a special needs, but he is certainly in a special circumstance where atypical methods of training may be necessary. There are articles and message boards galore online. If you have been using a small standalone potty, invest in an over the seat style with stairs for large toilet insert. If you’ve been having him go on the big toilet, by a standalone potty. Having something different and new may help your process.

4. Make your plan for that training week in May. Adhere to rules you develop: you and he stay in the house the entire week. You try naked on bottom (or underwear only or commando, whatever your plan) and stick to it. You vow to get rid of diapers except for naps and overnight. You take him to sit and try every 20 minutes and watch him like a hawk to pick up on the cues when he needs to go. Double down on rewards: a potty chart with stickers or a candy treat, and a small toy like a matchbox car every day he goes on the potty more than once. A big toy (LEGO kit or whatever) he picks out each day he stays completely dry. If training with underwear have him pick out new underwear with his favorite characters. Even if he has a ton in his closet anyway, have him select a new pack.

What you want is to set your child up for success. The issues you’ve had up to this point are largely parent-created, and marginally child-related. He is reluctant, but unless there is a physiological problem or he is delayed, he is obviously intellectually and physically able to fully train. And you are too. But you have to be vigilant or you’ll be dealing with this problem repeatedly at the extreme disadvantage to your son, who may be held back with little kids at daycare rather than advancing to the older kid classroom or being admitted to a formal preschool since he is still in diapers.

I know it’s a huge frustration, but unless you really treat training as a job at this point, I don’t think you’re going to have success. It’s not magically going to click for him without you really stepping things up. So take the next several weeks to research, prepare, and plan, and then do it. We’re here for support as you need it. Good luck![/quote]

This thread is becoming a mess but this is really good advice. I would focus on carving out time to get this done at home where you can keep him bottomless or in underwear. Going back and forth with diapers/pull ups makes things so much harder. And figure out the best way for positive reinforcement. Stickers, toys, etc. You don't want to drive potty training with consequences, he'll jut get defiant. [/quote]

The thing that I can't get past is that positive reinforcement requires progress before it kicks in.  I can bribe him into siting on the potty with screen time, but that only works until he really needs to go. Then it turns into panicked screaming.  How much should I force him to stay put when he's literally dribbling out from a full bladder?  What are the consequences and rewards in such a situation?[/quote]

This is easy, OP. Make agreeing to sit on the potty be the progress. It’s the first step. Take the step and celebrate it, whatever way works for your child (as other PPs have said, via a treat, a toy, praise, screen time, some new independence or ability to make other choices like staying up 15 minutes later than bedtime that night etc.).

But I will level with you. Your frustration and stress is palpable. You may gain more ground hiring a potty training consultant (it doesn’t matter if it’s virtual; the consulting is for you as the parent not for the consultant to speak with your child about going to the bathroom) and scheduling an appointment with a pediatric behavioral specialist. You have a lot of well-meaning people here (and some not, this is DCUM after all) offering you advice and input, but going on five pages, all I’ve seen you do in response is refute any and all suggestions and/or be rude to people who’ve taken the time to try to assist you, offer their own experiences, or empathize in some way. I hope you’ll re-read this thread and choose one or more things to try, for the sake of your child and to bring some calm to what sounds like a chaotic and stressful home situation right now. But, I’ll be blunt: based off of your posts, you come across perhaps just as hardheaded to try a different method of potty training as your child is to actually potty train. If both of you are truly this quick with an excuse and completely resistant, I’m afraid you’ll be changing diapers for many more years to come. [/quote]

I understand some of the people are well meaning. But they're not suggesting things we haven't already tried. Most don't seem to be bothering to pay attention to what we've tried and hadn't worked. Hearing the same thing over and over again isn't helpful when it didn't work.[/quote]

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