Reply to Something I don't understand about criticism of big families

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am one of the bitter old hags who criticize big families. We have a great many of them in our area. And increasingly, I feel like having a big family in this day and age is a political act. They are the homeschooling, right-wing types who practice Natural Family Planning but can't seem to get it right.  And more annoying that that, they are in my way. When we are at swimming lessons or dance, the moms are the ones sitting on their asses letting their kids throw the free newspapers on the ground or stick pencils in their eyes. They are the kids drowning in the swimming pool. One of them is always MIA. Hey wanna-be Mrs Duggars of the world, watch your children. I often wonder, I only have two kids why do I seem busier or more harried than Mrs. Duggar who is over there lounging b/c she's tired. She's pregnant again, of course. So her kids are out playing in traffic or the older ones have the little ones (maybe). The other day I saw one mom really berating her 7 (?) old for not watching the little ones. That just isn't right. [/quote]

News Flash: Everyone does not agree that your brood of 10 or however many you have, is charming, especially when you take them all everywhere you go.

I also agree that it is the super-breeder moms who are, in many cases, the laziest ones. They think all they have to do is give birth and breast feed and the rest of the family will wait on them hand and foot.[/quote]

This. At some point you aren't a mother to all these kids. You have given birth to them but they are raised by siblings. [/quote]

I didn't intend to post again, but I hate to have the thread end on such a negative note.

As a mother of many in a community and extended family of many large families, I implore onlookers to approach us with charity, instead of preconceived notions.  Saying mothers of many are often "lazy" flies in the face of common sense.  It is an enormous amount of manual labor just to keep everyone healthy and getting where they need to be--labor that goes unseen and unappreciated, usually.

Look, I'll be completely honest:  some moms get overwhelmed, some have issues with depression, some just can't figure things out.  And when you have six or eight little souls depending on you, your shortcomings impact more people.  So even though these struggles are common to mothers of any size family, the effect is more significant.  To whom much has been given, much is expected.

But something that makes an already enormous task even harder?  Dealing with social disapproval, constant nitpicking, a general sense that "you brought this on yourself," or "see?  You are not good enough"--these things drain the soul.  They leave you feeling isolated, under attack, and hopeless.

So try kindness.  Remember that you only see a snapshot.  That just as a screaming tantrum might be autism spectrum, or those tired eyes might be because her husband is deployed, that little girl might actually like carrying her baby brother around.

Being open to children was the norm for most of human history, and the reasons for continuing family life that way now simply don't register for many people.  But we are doing our best, just like 2.1 children families, and we will have to answer for our actions.  It's so much more productive to raise each other up than beat each other down.[/quote]

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