Reply to Why do some men check out of their kids' lives after divorce?

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "Why do some men check out of their kids' lives after divorce?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]I am a nanny[/b] and have seen this up close and personal in my own family and with two different nanny families.  I am now in my 40’s and starting to see it play out among friends.  I think it comes down to a few things:
.[/quote]

Nope. Not buying it. With such highly detailed particulars and assumptions which are blatantly pro mom and anti dad, it is obvious you are the mom. [/quote]

I am a woman, but I wasn’t able to have my own kids, so no, I am not a mom.  I don’t think I am anti-dad.  I have a lot of empathy for the dads I have worked with (and my own dad who is on his third family).  As I said, I think it is a dynamic where men are not taught how to nurture relationships and maintain connections and manage logistics and be knowledgeable about child development, and I think it’s a shame.

Many dads are wonderful, involved fathers with or without divorce.

But for the situations the OP is asking about, the pattern I see over and over is that post-divorce dad just does not have the skillset to cope with childcare and logistics or with his own emotional needs.  He interprets the negative emotions the kids have about the divorce and the increased friction caused by his lack of skill as signs that either a) he is a bad dad and they’d be better off without him, or b) mom has poisoned the kids against him and gradually puts in less effort, resulting in more negativity between him and the kids, which is a cycle that repeats until he is effectively absent.

I think the best thing we can do for men in general is to raise boys to be as emotionally and logistically capable as girls and to send a message that adult men who are struggling are allowed to research new information or ask for help and support.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics