Reply to Resent husband and his sibling over care of Mother in Law

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, regardless of the situation, this is stressful. I have a parent with advancing dementia who is local, as is my sibling, who is super supportive. And my parents have LTC insurance and it is still stressful. So no matter what the situation it is hard.

Sounds like you feel angry at the situation and stressed out, but you don't want to take out on DH because you understand his reasons for doing what he is doing, and, probably, it is part of what you value about him. But the stress and strain on you is real. Can you get some time for therapy? Hire extra help to help you around the house? Get a sitter sometimes for your 5 year old to give you or your older kids some relief?  This time will pass, hang in there, and find ways to take care of yourself and relieve some of the stress! [/quote]

This is a good point! OP I helped my mother a lot when my father was in this state. Our situation was fortunate in that they could afford any care, but unfortunate in that she was stuck in thinking things must be a certain way. In retrospect I wish I had not helped that much, because my resentment grew and my frustration with her refusing to get more care. I wish i had an outsider explain to her why he needed residential, but instead I enabled on a unsafe situation where she was miserable and I burned out and was annoyed with her for insisting it had to be this way. My point is, they may see this as unsustainable and quicksand so maybe they would help move her to residential, but they refuse to help with a situation that is a living hell for everyone. In residential problems don't end. but you can sometimes just enjoy a visit while checking on things and you aren't the one doing the grunt work.[/quote]

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