Reply to How one DH perceives DW who complains he isn't pitching in enough

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]At first, OP, from the title of your post, I thought you were my DH.  Admittedly (and unfortunately) I definitely harp on my DH too much about not pitching in.  So, as you probably know, you are not only in that many of us DW's harp (too much) on their husbands.

But considering I work full time out of the home, and my husband does literally NONE of the things that you do, I feel pretty certain that we aren't married...:-)

My take away is that I really need to stop the harping.  But help me out - how do I motivate my husband to do more around the house / with the kids without the harping?  In fairness, he is great with certain "guy" chores (e.g., taking out the trash once/week), but the day to day cleaning, cooking, organizing, making sure our kids are clothed/fed/doing homework, etc. falls on me.  It isn't so much that he won't help, he just won't help WITHOUT ME HARPING.

Advice would be appreciated.[/quote]

OP here.

Interesting question. Personally, I think it starts by refusing to think of it as him "helping" you -- I don't "help" my wife with these things. I'm not a "helper" -- I do them because they need to be done. So, the "please help me" dynamic creates a default that you're in charge of these things and he is your (sometimes reluctant) assistant.

When he does some of these more "domestic" chores, which does he do well? Does he do some better than you? Most couples are like this. Make those things his primary default responsibility, and if they don't get done, don't step in and bail him out.

Also, what other "man jobs" does he do? They count for something, even if they aren't daily chores. Maybe they have a discount value? :-)

I'd just tell him to man up and wear an apron and make the fucking brownies for once.

[/quote]

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