Reply to Husband making comments about my dad's will

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You seem overly sensitive about this. Calm down.

Your husband has a practical and cynical outlook, but he's not necessarily wrong and is not blinded by filial devotion.

Keep loving and supporting your father, but respect that your husband is looking out for you financially.[/quote]

Thanks for sharing your perspective and adding the part about calming down, which is always helpful.

I read a lot of the comments here with interest. I don't think there is a way for me to bring up my dad's will with him without seeming insensitive. Even if my intentions are good, asking someone about their will is very tricky - they should be bringing it up, not you. This is why I am offended by my husband's comments, even if his intentions were pure.

Do you have any good suggestions for how to approach this conversation?

[/quote]

I think you can say you’re happy he’s found someone, you look forward to them having a great long life together, but given that they’re marrying it’s important to have a serious and probably a little uncomfortable conversation about finances and estate planning. You can say, we’ve all heard horror stories about these situations and you want to be sure that he’s considering his responsibilities as a provider to his real family.

Or just watch Tommy Boy together and pause it when Big Tom dies. Like “say, Dad, I just thought of something...”[/quote]

Do not, under any circumstances, say the PP’s bit about your dad’s “responsibilities as a provider to his real family.” What the hell, PP? “Real family”? You sound like a piece of work.

OP, I just had this conversation with my dad (he didn’t remarry but he had a health scare that caused him to start putting his affairs in order and communicating about it). What I said when I asked was, “I would like to understand what you would like to happen to your estate so that I can honor your wishes about what goes where.” At that point, he told me what he wanted and where it all was. I made it about how I, as his daughter, could honor his wishes and his life after he passes. Maybe you could try that. [/quote]

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