Reply to Surprised how the tone has changed from save it to divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Posters trash people that reconcile after an affair.  Even if somebody was faithful for 20 years, the family/marriage was happy, the cheater is extremely remorseful and in individual therapy.  They call the woman (oddly not the men) all kinds of names...spineless, weak, etc.  80% do not divorce and many of those are women that are working and successful.

Marriages can end up being stronger and more fulfilling in the 2nd half when blown open and rebuilt.  Not all situations are the same yet this board comes at it as if all cheaters/people and type of affairs are the same.  Some cheaters are awful, some are not.

I agree there is a real delusion from some women about how great divorce will be financially for them.  They often are shocked at the financial situation after.

The grass isn’t greener a lot of the time.[/quote]

DCUM will trash a guy that cheats but I think a woman that cheats gets it worse - they get the woman plus the incel men.  As for reconciling with a cheating spouse, I don’t think many guys post about that as far as I’ve seen.  There could be less guys posting on DCUM, plus I believe less guys take back the cheating wife and likely fewer will admit that they have.

I don’t agree with having a sliding scale of cheating. It doesn’t matter in the sense if was a one night stand, a long term affair, OW baby, a sex addiction, after 3 years of marriage or after 20, because there are people that are willing to work on changing from any of those things, and there are some that are not. There are some people willing to move past any of those things no matter if the partner does the work or not, and there are some that cannot.  I learned long ago that people make different choices than I would given the exact same situation and we can both be happy with those choices.  So it’s possible that the grass is really greener for me on the other side while it wouldn’t have been for you and your marriage is better than ever while that wouldn’t have been true for me.[/quote]

Maybe people shouldn't cheat.

And there's no such thing as sex addiction - see the DMS V.

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