Reply to Surprised how the tone has changed from save it to divorce

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[quote=Anonymous]It could be a combination of things.  For me, my parents divorce used to shape 100% of my opinion.  My dad initiated the divorce to be with his girlfriend. Back then, there wasn’t this great dating market for a divorced mom with two kids, dads didn’t really have 50/50 custody, and there was a bigger financial impact because a lot of moms didn’t have the type of careers that would really support them.  So all this gave me a pretty high bar for divorce. Basically other than the three A’s - adultery, abuse, or addiction, if both people want to make it work, you need to make it work.  However staying together for the kids doesn’t necessarily work if both people aren’t willing live in a loveless marriage while giving up sex with other people or agree to an open marriage.

Fast forward to when my friends started divorcing in late 30’s - they had good careers making good money, and sometimes had families that could comfortably help them out while rebuilding finances.  The had 50/50 custody so they had more free time than I did and would hang out on non-custody days, take short vacations with friends etc.  With internet dating, they always were meeting guys and had dates, though how many were quality is a different story.  Almost all of them ended up either remarried or in long term relationships within a few years.  So I no longer had this dire future in my mind as the picture of divorce.  I will still lean towards the make it work because the experiences as a kid shaped me more than observing the life of friends from a distance but in the world of COVID and political polarization, it adds the questions could you live in whatever your situation for the next 20 years and is this really the person that you can make it through tough times through sickness and health and through quarantine lock downs.[/quote]

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