Reply to Wife resents me for not earning more

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She sees my schedule and resents me, saying [b]she wishes she could have a job with work-life balance like me, or just quit and rejuvenate for a little bit, or else find some part-time gig (salary be damned), but feels trapped because we couldn’t meet our financial goals on my 160k salary.[/b] She very clearly resents me for it — she said she appreciates all the work I do around the house and the time I devote to kids, but that she wishes our roles were essentially reversed; she said she’s dying inside not spending more time with kids, and feels her health is suffering from constant stress.

I desperately want her to be happy and at peace and not stressed, and feel ashamed that [b]somehow I am the cause of her unhappiness. [/b]
[/quote]

You are not the cause of her unhappiness.  She is responsible for her own career happiness - *she* chose law school, *she* chose debt, *she* took this in-house job.

She directs her resentment at you because if you made more money, she would have more freedom - that's true - but you are not responsible for making more money.  She is responsible for achieving her desired work-life balance.

If she likes the work she does substantively speaking, and if she does good work, she can either make it work with her current employer, or find a different employer.

She needs to have a work/life discussion with her employer for starters, and maybe a WFH discussion as well as - eventually - perhaps a part-time option discussion.  She needs to subscribe to job opportunities newsletters including ones for in-house positions (many of which are remote/telework).

I speak from experience as a lawyer married to a teacher.  I talked to my employer, I took regular mental health days, I worked part-time for awhile.  Fixing my own resentment was on ME.[/quote]

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