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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The open marriage guy is annoying and brash but he isn't wrong to the extent that sexless marriages have an expiration date. It's not that an affair saves a marriage but it makes it possible for the marriage to continue and potentially continue in relative peace rather than stewing in resentment.

Sure, the affair can be discovered and the marriage could blow up but no sexless marriage will ever survive long term. An affair gives the marriage a chance.

Also, I don't get why people get so invested in debating him. Who on earth sees a cheating spouse as a the bad person if they were the one cut off from sex and intimacy?[/quote]

What gives the marriage a chance is honesty and not being a coward by directly facing the problems with your spouse and recognizing your own shortcomings and contribution to the problem.  The behavior of the cheater in the marriage is a lot of the reason a bedroom grows cold.  Years of emotional abuse, anger, hyper-criticism, lack of respect, yelling will cause a person to wall themselves off.

The problem with the falsehoods spread by sexless marriage guy is what stigmatizes a betrayed spouse.  He/she must have done something wrong.  They must not have given him/her enough sex, enough love, enough validation, etc.  As is well-known and documented, 63% of cheating males are happy in their marriages and still cheat.  They ARE having sex at home.  The reasons somebody cheats are what is going on inside of them.   They tell themselves lies.  They have internal trauma.  They are afraid of getting old. They are entitled.  They are depressed. They have unaddressed childhood trauma.  They didn’t achieve in life what they thought they would. They are narcissistic or any one or a combination of these things.

If you are in an unhappy sexless marriage you make the false assumption that that is everyone else’s reasons too.  You are myopic.  It’s not.  That’s far from the truth.  If you had the selflessness and the self awareness to realistically look at your own behavior and actions, you would see what others see.  You can’t and your spouse is better off of you did leave.

So not only do betrayed spouses face the trauma of being lied to, deceived, have their health put at risk, they are also stigmatized and looked at as a person that had to have done something wrong or not been good enough.  [/quote]

The prior PP gets it. The immediate PP is clueless.

My message has always been to DECLARE THE MARRIAGE OPEN. That's a 12 second conversation. There is zero dishonesty in saving your sexless marriage in this way.

Please take all of your off topic "they still get sex at home" rants to a different thread about cheating. This is NOT a cheating thread! This is a sexless marriage thread. Likewise, any statistic about "happy in the marriage" is irrelevant. The only thing that is relevant is whether or not there is a normal active sex life. THAT is what makes a marriage sexless. This is a thread about how to save a sexless marriage. Stop trying to obfuscate this thread with alternate statistics or exceptionally rare scenarios (for example: man has plenty of sex at home yet still he cheats). Start a new thread if you want to have that discussion.[/quote]

If you weren’t blindly following your own narrative like our current President, you would see what the immediate pp said in the first paragraph.  It mirrors the “discussing options and intentions in an honest manner” e.g.., have balls, face the issue directly and don’t do something behind someone’s back.  That’s a weak p@ssy way out.[/quote]

Huh? What could be a more direct/honest/ballsy/direct-facing/non-weak-pussy than DECLARING YOUR MARRIAGE OPEN ??[/quote]

Working on your marriage in a vulnerable manner. BOOM[/quote]

What if you tried to work on the marriage for years, but the sexless with-holding spouse is simply uninterested?[/quote]

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