Reply to MIL pissed we didn't acknowledge/remember her wedding anniversary

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's your DH's problem Op
And it shouldn't be a problem, anyway. But some older parents feel there ought to be a big party. They can't arrange it .. it wouldn't be the polite thing to do (in their mind) so their children should take the reins. And shouldn't have to be told this. For a milestone anniversary. But which milestone anniversary is most important to them? One big party is enough. Have DH determine which year they would like this. Zero in on that. Once and that's it.[/quote]

Right, their children. OP is not their child. [/quote]

What about when the ILs have decided that their child's spouse is like one of their own children? This appears to be the norm in DH's family, and it comes from a loving place, but it has caused all kinds of awkwardness for me. The day we were married, they told me, "We will consider you our own daughter, and we hope you will consider us another Mom and Dad," or something like that, I wasn't able to process it at the time, but I didn't know I was making a commitment by saying thanks. I never wanted to call them Mom and Dad, and when I realized that was the intention, I called them nothing for years and now I call them by their grandparent names.

I get into situations like the OPs all the time because I think they are treating me like their own child, and so they expect me to act like their own child. Like, why wouldn't I be the one to arrange visits and answer for DH, when I am like their own daughter?[/quote]

Oh man I feel the same. I even like my inlaws, but I have a mom and a dad. Names mean something to me. So I spoke up and said, "thank you, but I prefer to call you by your first names if you don't mind. I don't mean any disrespect." They probably did mind. Sadly I then got 2 brother in laws a decade later who called our inlaws mom and dad. Whatever, I can be the least favorite.

We met/married young and I have ALWAYS felt like I was their child. Some has been strange (like sharing beds with my sister in law before marriage), some very nice (they give me gifts and include me). The first inlaw has it the worst I think. My brothers in law were welcomed with open arms and my inlaws adore BIL's parents. [b]My parents are ignored and don't even get wedding invites. [/b]

I just let it all roll off my back and try not to fixate on anything. [/quote]

What a strange remark.  Why would your ILs invite your parents to anything, much less weddings?[/quote]

Ehh because my parents traveled there to help out, watched my kids, ran errands for my SIL. They invited my BIL's parents (I have 2 BILs as DH has 2 sisters)[/quote]

And this is the bride and groom's problem exactly...how?

They have a budget and a limit on how many people they can invite. You want them to waste two slots on people that mean nothing to them because you're too cheap to hire a babysitter????????[/quote]

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