Reply to Is this gaslighting? And why does he do it?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
This behavior is not so much gaslighting (which is a manipulation and blame tactic that forces you to question your past acts and beliefs), as perseverance (harping on something for longer than is appropriate). Perseverance appears in ADHD and autism diagnoses.

I too pronounce Cava with a short "a" sounds.[/quote]

This sounds right, thank you. I do believe he was diagnosed with autism as a child, based on some conversations with his parents, though nobody will really come out and say it. I do know he was in therapy for years as a child and certainly learned many tools to cope and behave as a functioning, and in fact, successful and engaging person. But once he encountered some road bumps, including an utter inability to be able to be supervised in a workplace, and [b]death of newborns[/b], many of these weird personanlity traits surfaced. He hasn't worked in 7 years and we live almost entirely off of my salary, while he sits on a trust fund. He is quite obsessed with our next door neighbor and everying he is doing, nearly to the level of what I would call paranoia. I knew my description would come across as petty, but I think you have to be on the receiving end of this behavior day in and day out to understand just how strange it is. It is very demeaning. [/quote]

PP you replied to. I’m sorry, OP. You need to talk to him about all these behaviors, and put them in context for him with his earlier diagnosis and therapy. It would be great if he could restart some behavioral therapy with someone specialized in high-functioning autism.

The work thing isn’t dire if both your incomes can sustain your lifestyle long term. Plenty of people with disabilities don’t do well in the workforce, and if they’re lucky enough to not need to work, maybe it’s best if they don’t...[/quote]

This is a major thing, deaths of multiple newborns? I'm assuming they were your own children together? I'm sorry, OP. Have you tried therapy? [/quote]

This stuck out to me too. OP, I’m so sorry if this is true, and if so there is way more to your marriage than just frustration over lunch.[/quote]

I assumed she meant his stubbornness at work led to the death of two newborns, and thus he was fired. IF  they lost their own children of  course there would be stres in the marriage and much bigger issues than how a restaurant and is pronounced and dip.[/quote]

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