Reply to How to feel okay that I may never get married

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I mean, I feel like it could still happen for you if that’s what you want.

My favorite quote on this is: “there ain’t no settling down without some settling for.”

We all compromise when we choose a partner, house, job. I don’t know you but assuming you’re sane, employed, and not fat, I know there are met who would marry you. [/quote]

Wow, the “not fat” part is so offensive.

Most American adults are overweight...yet they tend to marry. So you are wrong and extremely offensive. Picture inserting another adjective there (like race or ethnicity, or education level). Why is it okay to insult /discriminate based upon how much you weigh.?You sound like a smug jerk.[/quote]

NP. I agree, It isn’t okay and it is hurtful. I also don’t think being loyal for life is settling. It should be come thing good enough to make room for your future. Not an eventual submission to less than you want.

My ex used to say things like that. “Stay skinny, don’t go over a size 4, tone up your stomach”. I’ve never been overweight and would just dismiss it. If I knew then what I know now. In hindsight he was projecting his own insecurity about his body and I was placing value on someone that had selfish conditions and saw my wounds from childhood as an in keep some influence or power over me. I remember being a bridesmaid for a friend and we were trying on dresses. Somehow I said something about his comment. One of the women looked at me, but said nothing. I wish she would have spoken up about the sign. She may have given me pause and prevented heartache.

To relate it back to this thread. Anyone can get married. No one should settle. And it is easier to heal alone than it is to try to grow with a partner that is incapable of that growth. Don’t be so set on checking boxes that you don’t actually see the person in front of you for who they are. I was ignorant. You’re getting good advice her OP. An unhappy marriage is a lifetime sentence and you need an entire legal process to approve you leaving someone bad for you without destroying everything you’ve worked for.

When marriage is right, neither of you are settling. This is also why you shouldn’t waste time dating people you feel lukewarm about. You can get caught up in being comfortable and not truly have joy. Eventually that turns to resentment or something worse.[/quote]

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