Reply to I deserve an apology. I’ll never get it. How do I move on?

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Reply to "I deserve an apology. I’ll never get it. How do I move on?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you have some good input on here. I’m going to add my two cents. And I think you’re not going to like a lot of it, but I also think you need to hear it.

People misunderstand forgiveness. It’s not about forgetting, or  not allowing the other person to be responsible. It is about teaching a place where past actions don’t have impact over your current mental real estate. It’s about not letting past actions have impact on your current happiness. It’s about recognizing the person you want to be, and being that person despite what someone “did to you”. It’s about not letting one event in your life define what the rest of your life will be, whether that be angry, scared, ashamed, regretful, etc.

You are also not owed anything, by anyone, ever. You can expect until the cows come home, and the only person that changes is you. In your frustration, sadness, anger, whatever. The only person damaged by your expectation is YOU.

Being a victim takes all kinds of forms, just like grieving. Your angry. Anger is pretty much the most basic of emotions. Sure, it’s normal to feel, but does it accomplish anything? You feel more powerful, but you’re also going back to fight or flight. Is he person who hurt you impacted by your anger? Are you? What changes because you’re angry? Is anger facilitating that apology you’re expecting?

And I know, anger brings out ideas of revenge. So you hurt that person back. How does that work in terms of your apology expectations? Does it make you more or less worth an apology?

I have yet to meet a person who can change the past. If you want to live there, that’s up to you. If you want to give real estate in your life to something you can’t change, that’s up to you. If you want to feel angry all the time over something you can’t change, that’s up to you, if you want to change the person you are over something you can’t change, also up to you.

This is what forgiveness is, OP. It’s about letting something go FOR YOU, so it doesn’t have a grip on your happiness any more. It’s about accepting you cannot change what cannot be changed, and living life on YOUR TERMS and not the therms of whatever happened or whomever did it to you.

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