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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom does things like this and she is a narcissist.  Just ignore her for a few months and she will get over it.  Also, maybe decide not to let her in on things that might provoke her.  [b]I was stuck in a cycle of trying to please her and getting her "advice" on things until I realized it was unhealthy[/b] for me to be doing this.  Now we just talk about superficial things that won't set her off.  Good luck.  It's quite a loss to realize that you can't have a normal mother-daughter relationship.[/quote]

This. Boundaries are hugely important. When they feel awful it’s a sign that there is something more to uncover there. Why do you seek your mother’s approval? Etc. I echo the PP who suggested therapy. I never knew how much I needed it but would often joke about my “crazy ha ha” mom. It’s not crazy. It’s damaging to attachment and makes love conditional. Therapy and boundaries have also helped my own kids by how I parent. My DD said a while back, about my mom, “she listened to me but she didn’t hear me.” That was a gut punch (awful to realize this about your grandma!) but she was 100% right and I am so proud she noticed and can express that feeling. Good luck to you and good job listening to your daughter. [/quote]

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