Reply to Signs a man will will be an equal partner

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Green flags:
1. Lives alone or with a roommate and the place is not a wreck.
2. Can cook.
3. Doesn't outsource every single thing (wash and fold, for instance) unless he has a crazy 80 hr/week job
4. Maintains good relationships with his family
5. Has close friends of both genders
6. Didn't have a SAHM (they can't help this one, but by observation and studies, it really matters to how they internalize whose "job" it is to handle all the grunt work)[/quote]

Number 6 is controversial, but MIL was a SAHM who watched tv all day, with a bunch of kids, and she didn't do much - she was checked out, was not a great (or even good enough) cook, made little effort (except to jump for FIL), and didn't have any identity other than FIL.  I think bc she was exhausted of having to "wait on" FIL, who was consistently emotionally unavailable.  Ultimately, it is about how the dad treats the mom, mutual respect (!!!) and what kind of example your potential husband had (in his parents), growing up.  [/quote]

I think that this is probably the best list posted. #6 is in the ballpark, but not exactly right. Rather than not being a SAHM, what is more important is the dynamics of the parents relationships. Men with mothers who played a more supportive or submissive role tend to assume that as a model for relationships in my experience. Often that is when the mother is SAH, but not always.

In some cases, the mother may always defer to the father, even if she has a job or career. In other cases the mother may be a SAHM but does not necessarily play a submissive role if she knows her worth and is an equal partner. And, I know this will be controversial because DCUM loves to judge people who have divorce in their families, but in my experience men who were raised by single women tend be equal partners and respect women.

DH met all of the above criteria an is an equal partner. I observed that his mother very diplomatically 'runs the show' of most things in his family and therefore DH and his brothers view women as equals and are comfortable with an equal partnership in marriage. [/quote]

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