Reply to Estranged Sibling entered rehab for alcoholism and wants to talk

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I appreciate all if this advice. Right now I just can't stop thinking about all the hurtful things my brother has done. The most recent incident involved texting me and my wife old photos of me and my ex from over 20 yrs ago, Then insinuating they were recent photos. Earlier gatherings usually have involved him bringing up something from my past to my wife or trying to get other people in the room to admit that they hate my wife and talk about her behind her back. Other situations among may others have involved insults about my kids being rich assholes. I just don't understand where these came from and the behavior is always unprovoked. I have never received an apology for any of them. When I state to other family why I have chosen to distance myself, the only response I get is that my bro is jealous because he's in a loveless marriage. That's not an excuse. I'm mad there's no accountability in my family and that my parents keep enabling it. [/quote]

I’m in long term recovery and also work in recovery outreach mostly helping families get their loved ones to highly regarded rehabs. Did your brother reach out to you from his rehab therapist’s office? Perhaps a conversation facilitated by the therapist could be a first step only if you’re ready. Many also offer family programs to help work through these painful situations. Boundaries are definitely good. Al-Anon could also be helpful to you. Most meet over Zoom right now. 
If he’s launching into 9th step amends newly sober, I’d probably be pretty skeptical, too. However, maybe acknowledging that you’re glad he’s getting help would delay the conversation for a bit until you’re ready. Also, early recovery is very hard with a very high risk of relapse. I hope he commits to a solid aftercare program, so he has a chance at a new life in recovery and healing within the family. Good luck. I know how hard this is from both sides. [/quote]

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