Reply to What to do when I don’t want to be around MIL/SIL anymore?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "What to do when I don’t want to be around MIL/SIL anymore?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'd just move your relationship into more of a grey rock.  Meaning: share less of yourself, ask less of them.

So stopping by their house on a random weeknight with your children?  No.  If DH wants to take them, that's fine.  Enjoy an evening on your own.  I limit random visits with my MIL and SIL too.  I just turn down various smaller gatherings, but do attend bigger ones.  So for a birthday, I attend.  But for a random weekend visit, I pass.

Especially during pandemic times, no one seems to care much if there are less people.  Also, I almost never get alone time anymore, so the rare mornings my DH takes the kids to see his parents sound AWESOME to me.  Pre-covid I was more protective of my weekend time with my kids, since we worked all week. But now, I see them A LOT, so having the time alone is really valuable.

It sounds like you need to lower your expectations about your relationship.  Be cordial and polite, but maybe a little less friendly and more reserved.  Don't offer personal details about yourself.  Keep it generic and surface level.

It's been 10 years for me and I still slip up and get too personal here or there, and I almost always regret it.  Their reaction is almost always some sort of barely paying attention or straight up ignoring and I get my feelings hurt.  Even if it was something silly!  So I find just holding back better all around because I'm not setting both sides up for failure.

[/quote]

I am in a similar situation OP and this PP is pretty spot on to what I do.  I let DH know that I planned to dial waaaaay back on the visits and now just attend events that seem necessary - birthdays, holidays, graduations, etc.  I see her 3-4x/year and every time is quite polite and friendly, but distant.  She's of the face-saving type so this works for her.  The tension she and I had in the past always put a strain on DH (not to mention hearing the complaints from both of us) so we are all happier when I don't attend the random visits here and there.  Don't listen to the folks who don't get it - be happy fo rhtem that they don't - and do what is going to create better balance and peace for you and your family. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics