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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I think it’s more concerning he never let you see the texts. I’m not sure how I could regain trust without full disclosure.[/quote]

+100

If it’s innocent, he should show them to you. Then we can put this in the not an affair category. Without seeing them, you don’t know. The simplest explanation is there’s something in the texts he doesn’t want you to see. [/quote]

OP here. I know that the texts were not innocent. Otherwise he would have shown them to me. DH even said his conversations with her were not appropriate for a married man.  That’s why I am calling this an affair (emotional at the least). I’m guessing he talked about how bad our marriage was and how he wishes  his life was different, maybe they talked about how he would leave me in a second for her if he didn’t have children, or that he would anyway. Maybe there was sexting, or proclamations of lust/love. I don’t know—I’m assuming it would be very very hurtful to me and shameful for him. It is highly, highly unlikely that it was ever physical based on timing/geography at that time, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that anything is possible.

TBH, I didn’t press to see the texts as hard as I could have. At the time, I figured “what’s the point” as it can’t be undone, and “will I be able to handle/unsee what is written? Or will I perseverate over every word for the rest of my life?”  Maybe stupid self preservation at the time that will now keep me from ever having full trust. The texts have long ago been deleted. Now, several months later, I couldn’t see them even if wanted to...which I’m not sure I would. 
[/quote]

I don’t know, I would think if they text had any overtly inappropriate stuff (wanting leave you, sexting, nude pics, I love your) he would have deleted them immediately as they came in.  I think it is much more likely, especially given geography and the short time they knew each other, that it was more, over sharing, too personal, maybe some complaints about you, maybe some flirting or complimenting of her...stuff he knows is crossing the line, but not so much that he felt compelled to delete everything immediately.  [/quote]

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