Reply to Here's the thing I don't understand about husbands who don't help out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Like my mama always said "marry them young and train them hard" :lol:[/quote]
So... why is it that it is up to women to "train" the husbands?  Who trained us? Why is it that we can see what needs to be done and do it without being given a chore list?  My husband will gladly "help out" if I give him a very specific list of what needs to be done... but the fact that I have to tell him what to do and that he still sees it as "assisting" in my domain makes me extremely angry.  Did women in the 1960s and 1970s, when many more were entering the workforce have to be "trained" in how to behave and perform in business?  No - women entered the workforce, killing it in every way possible, while still keeping the lion's share of home responsibilities.  We are doing something very wrong in our society if many men STILL need to be told what to do or are still unable to complete basic home tasks.[/quote]

I am the PP who calls this open communication and not mothering and I think its infantilizing to call it training but there is an element of truth in the term. And you're right, its on us to do it. But my son will not see me training his dad. He will see two people who communicate openly an a father who pulls his own weight. And my daughters will not see my training their dad, they will see that their dad does all the laundry in the house and that he's an equal partner and caretaker. And that means (hopefully) that my son will never have to be trained and my daughters will demand equality from their husbands. It's not just about me.

And really, life is too short to spend all your time wishing things were different instead of doing something about it. I love my husband, he loves me, he wants to stay married to me, he wasn't taught these things growing up and is extremely grateful that we are able to work together to create an egalitarian household rather than me giving up on him or resenting him.  [/quote]

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