Reply to Resentful About DH's Schedule- A Vent

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Resentful About DH's Schedule- A Vent"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Because he's a first responder, 60% of his schedule is out of his control. We negotiated the number of extra shifts that he could pick up and capped it at 3 per week and he always maximizes it. [b]We've had discussions about him scaling back, but he's told me that if he scales back, then I have to contribute more to household bills. However, I honestly don't think that's fair because he spends a lot of his money on extra and unnecessary items and I put my extra income in our savings for the home and our DCs. [/b]He also will likely revert back to doing errands for friends and family with the "extra" time that he has.[/quote]

I don’t quite understand. Can you elaborate here? It seems to me the problem is not his schedule but you have a disagreement of the handling of your finances. Why is all of the money not “yours” - as in both of yours?[/quote]

It's a longer story, but when we first got married, we were living in a house that he owned with someone else, so for various reasons, I did not contribute to household bills and put all of my extra income in our savings account. A year later he sold the home and we bought our own home together and I contributed about 30% to the household and put the rest in savings, while he took care of 70% and daycare for #1. Then as my salary increased, I gradually increased my household contribution and we had #2, whom I pay daycare costs for. So now, we're at 60% him and 40% me for household costs, but I still continue to put all of my extra income in our savings and he does not because the precedent had already been set.

Typing this through I realize that this is part of the issue.

Also, as another dimension, I am starting a new job in January where I'll be making $30k more and this week he told me that we'll need to renegotiate our household contributions or he'll have to pick up more shifts "to keep up with me". I think this is what spurred my latest bout of resentment.[/quote]

This is not a marriage, it's a business relationship.  As long as you keep treating it this way, you'll continue to have problems.  And because you treat it this way, you really don't have any reason to complain - he's fulfilling all his obligations under this agreement.  He's contributing what he said he would, and nothing more.  It seems like you're contributing whatr you said you would, and then volunteering more.  That's your choice, and you should stop doing it if you want.

As another PP said, you need to treat this like a true partnership, rather than two individuals each responsible for different things.  All money goes into a common pot; a certain amount gets set aside for savings, a certain amount gets divided up for household expenses, and the rest is divided up between to the two of you to use as you see fit.  [/quote]
[/quote]

I honestly didn't know that other couples put all of their money in a common pot. I might start asking a few of my married friends how they handle finances.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics