Reply to Flame Me: I don't think affairs are generally a big deal

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Reply to "Flame Me: I don't think affairs are generally a big deal"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Extramarital affairs have existed for as long as we have had the institution of marriage. Kings have affairs, Queens have affairs, janitors and wallmart workers have affairs. The best of us and the worst of us have affairs. My husband recently cheated on me and you know what surprised me more than any other emotion that came up at the time?

[i]It wasn't about me.[/i] He was going through something and acting out by the way of having an affair was his maladjusted way of dealing with his demons. I know he never loved the girl or built a life with her. Of course the thought of it hurts me. But he is back and in the marriage. I know he never stopped loving me and I am it for him.

I imagine its true for situations surrounding most affairs.

I stayed. It is not a popular decision. People think it has something to do with my lack of respect for myself. Maybe? But I think I genuinely don't think his poor choices reflect on me. We are working it out.

Is it not possible to entertain the thought that our preoccupation with having extreme standards of monogamy are a little...unrealistic?

We are imperfect after all.[/quote]

I’m glad you were able to work through it.

My view on monogamy is that, just like virtually everything in a marriage, people need to do what works for them. For some, an affair is a 100% dealbreaker. For others, it’s simply not.

It’s presumptuous for anyone to think they can apply their standards to everyone else. I’ve been married for 6.5 years and think I’d be devastated if DH strayed. I can’t imagine myself straying. But as my mom said, when you’re decades into a marriage, sometimes you end up responding to things differently than you thought. So who knows? [/quote]

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