Reply to Why are men surprised a change in responsibility may lead to change in sex?

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Reply to "Why are men surprised a change in responsibility may lead to change in sex?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Man here, the above reply from the woman is the reason why so many divorce or affair.  Too much resentment built up.  Like how it's hard for me to see my wife as sexual after a decade of complete sexual abandonment.  Oh now you want to have sex after rejecting me for 8 years?

It's tough stuff, no one is necessarily wrong. And of course men are idiots if they think nothing will change after the kids come.  All I wanted was 30 minutes of us time once a week or so but that wasn't possible for her.[/quote]

PP here that I think you’re referring to. We have sex 1 -2 times a week now but reading this thread took me right back to the anger over that period of our relationship. When he slips into the chores for sex mode I get mad and lash out. Clearly we have more reckoning to do but outside of this issue we are doing ok. I am hoping eventually even this kind of discussion won’t be a trigger.[/quote]

Thanks for responding.  It's tough for me not to get triggered by her suggesting sex. Like, what does she actually want from me or is she doing it out of guilt or to shut me up?  I can't even fathom her having sex with me because she has a desire to do so.  Like you, I hope we can get back to normal but I fantasize about divorce or having an affair even though we also get along fine on other issues.

Good.luck[/quote]

That could be her genuinely trying. The transition back to something a bit more normal like 1-2 time per week was hard. Sometimes it did feel a little like doing it to say we did. But it definitely got better. The thing that drove me super nuts was when my husband, after complaining for months that we were not having enough sex, would turn down a quickly or a bj. Because it wasn’t “good enough.” Talk about two steps back. Sometimes we just had to push through that on both sides - I told him I offered or initiated  because I loved him even if I was exhausted but if he was going to shut me down it was never going to improve. If you only want to sex you want on the schedule you want it it’s bound to fail (not saying this is you but it was him). So we both met in the middle and now things are a lot better although definitely not perfect.[/quote]

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