Reply to I wrote my mom a letter

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why can’t your mom just have been a better person? Why can’t she now? That’s what you really want and you can’t make your mom be a better person. You can accept her how she is and accept that she very likely feels guilty and wishes her past had been different and she had done things differently. So your choices are to accept the person your mom is or keep wishing and hoping of you just stand their long enough being pained she will have a light bold moment and suddenly do whatever you think is the right things .[/quote]

Interesting take. Are you OP's mom?[/quote]

DP here, but that poster is perfectly correct. It's not what anyone wants to hear, of course, but it's reality. That does NOT mean OP has to interact only on her mother's terms. OP will need to draw boundaries. This is where working with a therapist can be helpful (also a suggestion of OP's mother - that woman isn't stupid!).
[/quote]

OPs mom's disconnected position and admonishment to have the therapist 'handle' the situation is same as was the case with leaving her daughter to fend for herself with the many emotional and physical boundary violators.  Said another way, OPs mother is saying "you are on your own!" and "good luck" and "grow up!"  Hopefully the therapist understands betrayal trauma and is not encouraging reconciliation.  The mom does not think the situation warrants or requires her acknowledgement or intervention; the mom is a freeloader, benefiting off of her entitled status, and is using the relationship with her daughter to get in on the 'good times' w *her* grandchildren.

OP, your kids are your kids.  Your mom betrayed you and she continues to do so in words, intentions and actions.  Please let yourself consider researching betrayal trauma and family systems therapy.  Reconciliation is about lowering defenses and finding common ground.  Your mom is not doing this with you.  Changing your behavior will change hers.   Focus on your priorities.  Protect your kids and recognize their inborn risk and vulnerability.  It's not your fault that your mom groomed you and made you available for sexual abuse by withholding protection and personal concern for you.  [/quote]

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