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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You aren't actually supposed to SEND those letters, I don't think.

[/quote]

No you're not. 
Trying to get closure from your abuser is just providing a new weapon for the next phase of abuse.  It's like Stockholm Syndrome in a way: you look to the source of your pain to provide you relief from that pain. It's a powerful drive in abuse victims that sets them up for endless cycles of abuse.

PS the mom's reply may have some factual truth but with twisted, nasty motives/undertones.  Just like everything in those toxic relationships.

OP find your peace.[/quote]

Not OP, but it's funny...I have one of those self help books on Toxic Parents and the author/clinician feels strongly you must confront the abusive parent. I personally found it useless other than to show me, as I already mentioned, she was extremely limited and defensive and she resorted to major gaslighting and badmouthing me to anyone who would listen. I think it is the rare abusive person who will admit fault and apologize.[/quote]

I don't think confronting is a bad thing. At least you leave it all on the table & get a final answer. Even if it sucks. No question as to what a crappy person they are. [/quote]
“Thank you for pointing out my failures as a parent! I did horrible things to you when you were a defenseless child and you were so damaged to the point that it still hurts you today. I was a fully-aware, mature grown-up at the time, yet felt zero guilt. I definitely will feel remorse now! I’m so sorry!” - things you will never hear in a confrontation with your aged parent[/quote]

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