Reply to Single mom by choice-Am I crazy?

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[quote=Anonymous]I would evaluate your own preferences and go from there.  It is not easy being a solo parent, but it is also not the hardest thing in the world if you truly have a love for children and have a supportive circle of friends and family.

Many people on this thread discount and minimize toxic fathers; a father in the picture does not automatically means stability.

In my case, I am a single mom (unintentionally) of multiples who did not intend to be single. My non-traditional family unit has  both middle school/high school aged kids and early elementary under two.

The father of my olders, after five years in our partnership, began cheating and being abusive.  I left him when the olders were less than five years old. Seven years later, my kids are thriving and ex is rock bottom, as my ex currently has a degenerative disease linked to head trauma (he played professional sports) and is unavailable to care for himself or his children adequately.

I waited seven years to date again and met the father of my younger children. He was amazing, charming, and intelligent when he was fully present, but in the last year has took a hard fall off of his recovery plan for combat PTSD and substance abuse.  Due to his struggles with his own trauma and addiction he also is unavailable at this point.

I share this with you only to highlight that having a "father-figure" in the home does not always dictate that there will be stability.  Your levelheaded nature, capacity for being resilient, and your authentic desire to be a mom will drive stability.

If you have the right mindset, you can be a single parent and be fine.  You'll need to have a thick skin because people will judge you and chime in, even though they've never been faced with your circumstances.

I know many kids raised by single parents and grandparents that grew up to be good natured; some are the most compassionate people I've ever met. I'd only offer that with the older child, ensure that you create space for the older kid to have a break from the younger, if they have an issue with spending time with the younger.

Children are only young for a short amount of time, it does not last forever. I'd say go for your dreams and have no regrets, whatever those dreams may look like.

Namaste.

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