Reply to What reasons WOULD you decide to leave/divorce over

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here are the reasons I left (I am a woman):

1. Disrespect
2. Not being consulted or considered in major life decisions
3. Emotional abuse
4. No love or affection and sexlessness for YEARS (most of the marriage)

Another reason to go is mental illness (not my issue but that is a reason to leave)

I personally think the things I mentioned are worse than cheating. If it was just cheating, I could stay. But not the four items I mentioned--those are divorce worthy, especially combined.
[/quote]

Get back to me after you discover your spouse is having an affair.  Reality is much different than conceptually.  It is total devastation and causes PTSD that can last for years in betrayed spouse.[/quote]

+100

You will feel much differently when it’s a reality.

[/quote]

Wrong. I am divorced. And I told him he could cheat and I would not divorce for that reason in year #2 but I would divorce for other reasons. There are many things worse than cheating. Go back and read my list. [/quote]

I agree with you, PP.  The four items are far worse than my spouse having sex with someone else.  That is normal but selfish behavior.  The other 4 are cruelty to me.

Granted, I know there are some people on here who see affairs as a the same as a [b]captured and tortured soldier returning from war with PTSD[/b].  I am not discounting their experience but I don't think that is common.  No doubt affairs suck though.[/quote]

Yikes!!! Perhaps you don't realize it, but by framing PTSD this way == that fill-in-the-blank is not as bad as a captured tortured soldier returning from war and thus fill-in-the-blank is not PTSD but just "sucks" == you are CONTRIBUTING to the stigma that our veterans experience when confronting service-related trauma or PTSD.  I can't tell you how many vets are driven to the brink of suicide by PTSD but who dismiss that they have PTSD or could benefit from PTSD services because what happened to them "wasn't that bad."   They say the same "it wasn't as bad as X" things to themselves as you have just done.  Getting blown up by an IED wasn't as bad as having someone in the unit killed.  Having someone in the unit killed wasn't as bad as my best friend in the unit being killed.  Losing one person in the unit isn't as bad as losing many. Seeing someone being killed in front of me isn't as bad as being killed myself.  It goes on and on.

Please change your attitude.  Trauma occurs in all sorts of circumstances.  War trauma.  Domestic gun violence trauma.  Domestic abuse trauma. Child abuse trauma.  Betrayal trauma from families or institutions.  Secondary trauma or vicarious trauma in any of those situations.  Ignoring trauma or minimizing it isn't helpful. [/quote]

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