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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a perfect marriage.  Sexy husband who screwed me 3-4 times per week.  No fights. Great friends.  He was a good father and we went out and had fun all of the time together.  He surprised me throughout our 22 year marriage—-surprise trips, dinners —and the guy did laundry and didn’t mind cleaning.  He coached the kids’ sports teams.  He was a good father.

He had an affair years 19-22.

Devastating.  Even more so because I was completely blind sided.  F@cked me up.

I don’t know who would ever say “hey I don’t mind if you cheat on me”.  That’s insane.  That’s not even an open marriage where you know.

Honesty.  Trust.  Without those: deal breaker [/quote]

I would take your great marriage years 1-18 with 3 years of cheating any day of the week. At least you did not waste a decade of your life in misery because of a quasi-forced accidental pregnancy and “trying to make it work.”

Get over it. You had a great marriage. Either forgive him and get it back or get over it.[/quote]

4 years of cheating, not 3.  4 years of lying to my face to go f@ck some other married whore.

No protection used, no concern for my health or our family.  And, at a time a beloved parent was terminally ill and dying.

Yeah.  Hard to reconcile pathological lying.   To the soldier poster, Infidelity PTSD is very well-recognized in the psych community.  The higher level of trust a person had, the worst it is.  EMDR therapy is used.  Post-traumatic stress isn’t defined as “war trauma”. That’s one aspect.

Forgiving isn’t something done immediately, nor should it be.  Experts say it takes 2-5 years to begin to get over an affair.  Years of individual and couples counseling.  They need to get to the root of their issues.

Honesty and trust.  Lack of those are a deal breaker.[/quote]

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