Reply to Forced into a "Healing Circle"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP. I am reading all of your responses. I am leaning towards the advice above a 14:00 and 14:11.

"I am not sure what a healing circle is and do not have time to complete the assignments you sent me, but I am looking forward to the facilitated call." [/quote]

Are you trying to be difficult? Do you want to get fired? Do you want to be pulled in to a meeting with your supervisor and potentially HR?

You will be the sacrificial lamb if the other org gets more upset and your org sides with them or simply wants to keep the peace. Your org isn’t defending you, which is telling; they’ve already decided you were at fault OR defending you isn’t worth the hassle since their goal is to preserve the business relationship.

I work in the nonprofit world. I understand how things work with collaborative projects, providers and consultants.Your rank stops in your org; outside collaborators are not your subordinate. Period. I’ve seen people let go in similar situations to preserve a project or relationship. Trust me: everyone is replaceable.

I would play ball. I would get on a zoom call with my supervisor to see where she stands. I would act confused (I’m not sure why Jane got so upset. I really like Jane and I think we’re working well together. I only meant to weigh in. Do you think I screwed up? I want to fix this—thoughts on next steps?)

Of course, the next step is the healing circle. Hopefully your boss has your back and you two can go through the motions with a smile on your face and get things back on track.

The key is to not be defensive. When you get defensive, they’ll continue to debate and criticize you. You can’t win.

Instead, be humble, kind, mildly apologetic and stay calm and positive.

When she says she didn’t feel heard, you say, “Gosh Jane, I’m so sorry. I truly didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Emails sometimes carry a tone that wasn’t intended. Please believe I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I enjoy working with you and your org, and I think we’re making great progress together on the project. Again, apologies. Shall we talk about the next steps with the project?”

But you sound really defensive. If you can’t play nice, this healing circle could end up being a firing squad that paints you as a jerk. If that happens, you could be reprimanded or let go. [/quote]

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