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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not sure what help OP is asking for. I have an only.  Its been hard for her during this period because she is lonely. Is that what you mean OP?[/quote]

OP here. I am unable to have another. I am looking for help/resources on how to parent DC successfully. I was an only for a long time until my parents had a late in life child and I hated being an only and was so happy for my sibling (we are very close). I feel very sad I cannot give this to DC. [/quote]

Really sorry OP. Your DC will be 100% fine and happy... if YOU really want another, maybe consider adoption?[/quote]

This.

OP, if you only want another child if you can give birth to them I think you really need to think about why this is true. There is nothing wrong with being an only child. I’m sorry you didn’t like it but tons of people do. [/quote]

Well, at least you didn’t say “just adopt”.

Anyone who is faced infertility has considered adoption, I promise you. It’s not that obscure a concept. There are also many many reasons why a family would not want to or would not be able to adopt.  
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As someone with an adopted sibling, I guess I'm not super sympathetic to the hang-wringing about insisting on bringing a child into the world on your own and the insistence that adoption is not something you would consider. If you don't want to adopt, then fine, don't do it, but at least acknowledge that your horror over having an only child is a decision that you are in fact making. And actually, my parents adopted a baby who was taken back by her birth parents right before she was six months old (we adopted her at birth). And then they adopted another child. So I am aware of the time, cost, and emotional requirements related to adopting, and I don't take it lightly.[/quote]

Your experiences and your parents’ experiences decades ago are COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT to the current state of adoption in the US and around the globe. You clearly don’t know anything. Adopting these days is extremely difficult and many people - my and my DH included - cannot. [/quote]

My DH and I wanted to adopt and consistently told by reputable agencies that we'd need $25 - 60K to complete the adoption process. The cost is absurd and prohibitive. We went the IVF route - less expensive, despite not being our first choice. [/quote]

I never understand why this is so prohibitive.  $25k is the cost of one year of childcare, and is almost certainly less than the cost of becoming a SAHM.  Of course it’s a lot of money, but it’s just a drop in the bucket compared to the overall cost of raising a child.[/quote]

Because you don't pay for childcare in a lump sum.  You pay for it monthly, and you earn income monthly. For adoption, you have to save $25K (which is the MINIMUM amount) up front, and then ALSO pay for childcare, etc.  If you can't understand that, you live in a different world than most people.  [/quote]

I don’t live in a different world.  Can’t you put the money away monthly, then pay it in a lump sum at the end of a year?  Then, after that, you pay daycare monthly.  It just doesn’t seem like such a huge barrier to me.  $25k is not $1m.  
I am not saying that I don’t understand the barriers to adoption.  I used to live in a rural area where almost everyone went to the same mega church led by a minister who was very vocal about adoption.  It was incredibly common even among people who didn’t struggle with infertility, and adoption was a frequent topic of discussion.  I get that there are a lot of problems.  You might have to take a lot of time off work suddenly.  It can be hard to get childcare for older children.  Kids from orphanages might have difficulty transitioning into a new home or unexpected delays, etc etc.  [b]But it was rare that people brought up the cost of adopting as a big barrier.  [/b]
[/quote]

Lol.. I know exactly the culture you’re talking about. Let me tell you why they don’t bring up the past: because they are taught that “the Lord will provide”. The three F’s of adoption, according to them, are faith, family, and fundraising. They’re expecting other people to pay for their adoption. They fundraise – and by that I mean ask for money – incessantly. It’s been a bit of a rift in my relationship with these people because, no, I haven’t given them a dime, because I don’t thank they are well positioned to take care of a child, financially, emotionally, or professionally. And the requests for money are literally every week.

These adoptions are 99% of the time foreign adoptions, by the way. That’s what’s in style, collecting as many children from different countries as possible. Zero interest in domestic adoption. I can’t say that I understand why, I don’t think it’s straight up racism as children from African countries are also very desirable. But it’s something weird and unsavory.

Anyway, all of this was to say that the way all those church people you know are financing their adoptions are by begging from other people, and I don’t exactly see that as being the style of the most DCUM parents.[/quote]

What?  No.  They didn’t.  These are my close friends and relatives.  I also attended this church.  No one was fundraising.  That would definitely be something I would call “bringing up finances.”  
But maybe that would hold off on buying that Harley or putting an addition on their house.  [/quote]

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