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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not sure what help OP is asking for. I have an only.  Its been hard for her during this period because she is lonely. Is that what you mean OP?[/quote]

OP here. I am unable to have another. I am looking for help/resources on how to parent DC successfully. I was an only for a long time until my parents had a late in life child and I hated being an only and was so happy for my sibling (we are very close). I feel very sad I cannot give this to DC. [/quote]

Really sorry OP. Your DC will be 100% fine and happy... if YOU really want another, maybe consider adoption?[/quote]

This.

OP, if you only want another child if you can give birth to them I think you really need to think about why this is true. There is nothing wrong with being an only child. I’m sorry you didn’t like it but tons of people do. [/quote]

Well, at least you didn’t say “just adopt”.

Anyone who is faced infertility has considered adoption, I promise you. It’s not that obscure a concept. There are also many many reasons why a family would not want to or would not be able to adopt.  
[/quote]

As someone with an adopted sibling, I guess I'm not super sympathetic to the hang-wringing about insisting on bringing a child into the world on your own and the insistence that adoption is not something you would consider. If you don't want to adopt, then fine, don't do it, but at least acknowledge that your horror over having an only child is a decision that you are in fact making. And actually, my parents adopted a baby who was taken back by her birth parents right before she was six months old (we adopted her at birth). And then they adopted another child. So I am aware of the time, cost, and emotional requirements related to adopting, and I don't take it lightly.[/quote]

Your experiences and your parents’ experiences decades ago are COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT to the current state of adoption in the US and around the globe. You clearly don’t know anything. Adopting these days is extremely difficult and many people - my and my DH included - cannot. [/quote]

My DH and I wanted to adopt and consistently told by reputable agencies that we'd need $25 - 60K to complete the adoption process. The cost is absurd and prohibitive. We went the IVF route - less expensive, despite not being our first choice. [/quote]

I never understand why this is so prohibitive.  $25k is the cost of one year of childcare, and is almost certainly less than the cost of becoming a SAHM.  Of course it’s a lot of money, but it’s just a drop in the bucket compared to the overall cost of raising a child.[/quote]

Because you don't pay for childcare in a lump sum.  You pay for it monthly, and you earn income monthly. For adoption, you have to save $25K (which is the MINIMUM amount) up front, and then ALSO pay for childcare, etc.  If you can't understand that, you live in a different world than most people.  [/quote]

I don’t live in a different world.  Can’t you put the money away monthly, then pay it in a lump sum at the end of a year?  Then, after that, you pay daycare monthly.  It just doesn’t seem like such a huge barrier to me.  $25k is not $1m.  
I am not saying that I don’t understand the barriers to adoption.  I used to live in a rural area where almost everyone went to the same mega church led by a minister who was very vocal about adoption.  It was incredibly common even among people who didn’t struggle with infertility, and adoption was a frequent topic of discussion.  I get that there are a lot of problems.  You might have to take a lot of time off work suddenly.  It can be hard to get childcare for older children.  Kids from orphanages might have difficulty transitioning into a new home or unexpected delays, etc etc.  But it was rare that people brought up the cost of adopting as a big barrier.  
[/quote]

This is interesting-so you knew a lot of people who adopted? Everyone I've ever heard/talked to says how incredibly difficult it was. What was the experience of the people you knew. How did the integration into the family go? I am concerned about how to handle integrating an adopted child with a bio. Don't want to favor one or the other and want to do the best for both. [/quote]

I am not sure how to share the most relevant parts of their experiences in a few sentences.  They had some of the difficulties I mentioned above. The first few weeks or months were the hardest, and the children were developmentally delayed initially.  
 My friends and family who adopted also went to see a child psychologist who specialized in adoption prior to bringing their children home and for a while after they got home.  She gave parents a better idea of what to expect and how to deal with it.  
If you are curious about how to make it work, I would start with making an appointment with a psychologist specializing in adoption and see if you can get some questions answered.  [/quote]

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