Reply to Would you be ok with your SO having dinners with ex hisband/wife and the kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m divorced, and I won’t introduce any partners to my kids until we’ve been dating 2 years and have a wedding date set. It’s nothing personal, I don’t want people in and out of my kids’ lives.

I do think family dinners 1-2x a month are ideal. I would do it, but my ex likes to pick fights.

When someone has kids, the kids will always come first. Always. It’s difficult to find a partner who understands that (I dated a guy recently who suggested I give up custody and only see my kids in the summer so I could move for his career. Uh.....)

Think very carefully if this is something you want to get into. You’ll always be second in his life and his kids will probably want nothing to do with you. If you can’t accept that, move on. [/quote]

I think that’s too far the other way.  Introducing your kids to a guy after you’ve got a wedding planned is nearly as bad as introducing him too early.   There’s a middle ground and that plan misses it. [/quote]

It works for me. I’m not going to have guys disappearing out of my kids’ lives. If they want to be integrated into the family, they can propose.

To clarify, I don’t mean springing it on kids a month before the wedding. But I need the commitment of a set date. That’ll give us a few months or a year for everyone to meet and see if it’ll work out.[/quote]
Your priorities are effed up. Your children should be your number #1 priority but it’s clear that you are your top priority. If you were so concerned with who was in your children’s lives, then you’d let them have a relationship with your SO before your march down the aisle. To wait until a date is set means you really don’t care what they think, you just expect they need a few months to deal.[/quote]

*shrug* if it takes longer than a few months, then we postpone getting married. Or if they don’t get along, we call it off. NBD. I’m not introducing the guy as “here’s your new stepdad!”

Either way, I need 2 years to make a decision if I want to marry someone- same as it was prekids-  so my kids aren’t going to meet any new SOs before that. No need for them to get attached to someone and then lose them.[/quote]

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