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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If they had a f*cked up childhood--a parent was an alcoholic or a serial cheater...RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO matter how much they swear they won't turn out that way...wait 20 years and tell me what happens.[/quote]

My husband's mother was an alcoholic and he's an amazing person and father and I wouldn't trade him for anything.  You are wrong about this.

[/quote]

My husband's mother was an alcoholic and he's a crappy person -- liar, cheat, problem drinker and has the same mental illness she did which also affects my kids.  I wish I'd never met him; he has caused my and our kids so much pain.

So, YMMV. [/quote]

My husbands father was an alcoholic, serial cheater that left the family.  Emotionally abusive.

My husband was the greatest man until middle age hit (45-49) and our oldest became the age he was when his father left.  Holy batshit.  He started a double life to avoid the trauma.  I did not see that coming.  Great father, great son-in-law, loving husband, extremely successful... the last few months of his affair he started to drink from the stress of it.  He’s now in intensive therapy.  Compartmentalization is how kids like this get through and if it wasn’t dealt with properly (his mother was cold) it will appear in drastic ways.[/quote]

I could have written something very, very similar, especially the part about issues coming up when our oldest hit the age that my husband's family troubles started affecting him.

My advice: Find out as much as you can about the person's childhood, family dynamics, mental health history, substance abuse.  Even if your person swears they are different and it appears that way, it can have a strong genetic component and can appear many years down the road. If you still want to marry them, you should go into the marriage with your eyes open.[/quote]

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