Reply to When someone contacts you about being excluded from social events

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a sticky friend situation. (We need a friendship board here.)

I live in a kid-friendly neighborhood; many of us have kids the same age (grade 2 and under), and there is a group of a dozen or so of us who hang out fairly regularly. Within that group, certain folks see one another more often due to proximity, kids gender, sports, what have you.

There's a mom outside this group with whom I'm friendly. Her son simply isn't as close with the kids of these parents. It's nothing personal at all; organically, get-togethers just don't involve her as much.

Before COVID, the "left out" mom (for lack of a better term) asked me to keep her informed next time this group hung out. It was a bit awkward, simply because I wasn't always the host -- for instance, if someone had a barbecue, was I supposed to ask her? If it was an outing like a bar, I would tell her. Often she would decline anyway.

Well, there was a drive-by "parade" for one of the kids in the group's birthdays. The mom posted it on social media, with photos of people driving by and waving, a singalong etc. My "left out" friend sent me a text asking why I didn't tell her about the birthday party, saying she's really hurt, I'd told her I'd keep her in the loop about future events. I told her I was sorry, but it was not even my child's birthday, it was someone else's party. She is now upset with me and I really don't know what to say. Nobody was trying to exclude her; her son simply isn't friends with this girl and I don't think it crossed anyone's mind to invite this kid!!?

What do I say??[/quote]

Read your post again. Yes, you were intending to exclude her. You just offered many excuses why you didn't. And those may or may not be valid/reasonable. But, you did intend it.

Look, don't you teach your kid some version of the golden rule? How would you feel if you were this mom/family? It's really not THAT hard to include her unless you don't want to, which is what it seems. You tell her when things are happening. If someone else is having something informal, "hey Barb, do you mind if I ask Sally?" That's what my friends do and, unless your friends are stick up the ass types or don't like "Sally", I don't see the problem here (formal events are different and maybe that applies to a "drive by" birthday but I personally do not think so). Because it becomes a vicious circle: You don't invite her b/c "they aren't good as friends as my kids are" but then they are excluded so that will likely never happen.

It's not that hard to just be kind and inclusive. And it blows my mind how, on this Board, people seem to make excuses time and again for why they are not.[/quote]

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