Reply to Why don't people reciprocate socially these days?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree that there is no excuse for not responding to emails or calls - that's not right.

I am probably guilty of not reciprocating enough.  In my case, it's an insecurity thing, which I'm not proud of.  I feel like my house isn't nice enough, I'm not a very good cook/entertainer, and with WOH, I really struggle from a time perspective just to survive much less throw fabulous dinner get-togethers which don't come naturally or easily to me.   I feel like everyone in our neighborhood and school has a nicer home or a country club membership or a lovely backyard pool or patio - none of which we have to offer.  In my brain, I know that if people are truly good at heart, they won't/shouldn't care about these things, but nevertheless, they create anxiety for me, which makes me reluctant to host.  I guess in summary, I lack the confidence to host/invite.  Like the OP, I've learned this results in few friendships developing, so I've realized I need to try harder and be creative to find ways to reciprocate.

I do try to be a good guest by always coming equipped with a nice bottle of wine or flowers, offering to bring something like dessert (which I can cook in advance on my own time), and following up the next day to say thanks.  I actually like being asked to contribute - makes me feel less guilty about imposing.  I also make sure if my kids are involved that they help clean up so we're not leaving our hosts' home a mess.

I guess I'd say, don't give up on people like me if you really like us. Some of us just aren't good hosters.  Give us ways to socialize or help out that don't require us to be in charge or entertain.  Find other ways for us to come together - I'm happy to help with driving, or to volunteer on that cause you really believe in, or to pitch in with that school or sports project.  Just don't ask me to host a cocktail party or brunch at my house.  [/quote]

OP here--when I invite people to do things, it's always go out for lunch or coffee somewhere.  I don't expect friends to invite me over.  [/quote]

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