Reply to Unfaithful Spouse, how did you get over affair and save your marriage?

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Reply to "Unfaithful Spouse, how did you get over affair and save your marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] Its interesting, I cheated, my spouse doesn't want to divorce but doesn't want to go to counseling to work on the problems in our marriage, and doesn't want to have sex, so we are stuck till I get the courage to divorce.[/quote]

It’s really not your spouse’s responsibility to fix the marriage, and infidelity experts agree that marriage counseling after cheating is not the first step.  The cheater needs individual counseling to figure out how they are “broken” - why was cheating ok and how was it rationalized?  A bad marriage does not cause cheating, and just you thinking that is the problem says so much about you.  You and your spouse were in the same marriage with the same problems?  Did she cheat?  Why didn’t you suggest counseling before cheating?  Of course she does not want to sleep with you!  Have you shown any remorse?  Not regret for getting caught, but real remorse for the extreme pain you caused.  What steps have you taken to heal your spouse, because your marriage can’t be fixed unless you do that?  Healing a marriage from infidelity takes years.  You can’t just rugsweep what you did and the trauma it caused.  You really need therapy to examine your own issues.[/quote]

So much of this rings true ...

"You and your spouse were in the same marriage with the same problems?  Did she cheat? " -- Valid question. Only one of you chose infidelity as a solution. That's the broken person here who needs counseling.

"  Have you shown any remorse?  Not regret for getting caught, but real remorse for the extreme pain you caused." -- "extreme pain" doesn't even begin to capture the feeling after you find out you have been cheated on.

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